Photo credit: Emily Rumsey Photography
If you had told me when I had my first that I would eventually nurse in public without a cover, I would have blushed. Deeply. I hated nursing SuperBoy in public. I rarely went in public with him when he was hungry, and given that I didn’t feed on demand, but rather tried to put him on a schedule, I could predict this hangry time pretty well. When I did have to nurse him in public, I’d drape a cover over him, me, us, and with lots of kicking limbs and wails from both of us, attempt to do it thoroughly.
Then burp him.
Then commence on the other side, all whilst wearing disposal nursing pads that I went through like new moms do articles online about how to nurse in public.
But at home?
No cover. My brother & dad had a shock to their systems. My brother would make eye contact only while using his palm flattened out, thumb down, palm facing me to block the site {and sight} of my actual nursing parts. My dad would hurry through the kitchen and ask my mom Errrr is she going to always do that in here? Even my older female relatives would gently talk about how when they nursed, they would go upstairs or in a different room from their own father or brothers or uncle, because, well, it was proper.
My response was that my baby didn’t like to nurse with a cover and I had to feed him around the clock so unless they expected me to disappear for hours of the day for at least 12 months, they would be exposed to this. I was frustrated but adamant. This had to be normal. I couldn’t keep nursing if I was expected to cover up and hide doing it.
Enter my second child.
Photo credit: Emily Rumsey Photography
A significant factor that changed my comfort level nursing was my amazing sister Molly and her very open nursing with her first. She battled a NICU beginning and had to wait almost two weeks before she could even hold her daughter. She pumped constantly and dealt with rounds of mastitis, and difficulty latching, and would nurse//bottle feed breastmilk//pump until after months, her sweet girl got it. She wasn’t uncomfortable nursing anywhere, anyhow, after fighting to be able to nurse in the first place.
Aside from being more comfortable mentally, I also was too busy chasing down my 22 month old boy to have my infant girl on a schedule. I wore her in the sling all the time. She nursed whenever. She was a champion cosleeper. She was very dainty and I was determined to give her all the breastmilk calories she could devour. And devour she did.
She nursed all kinds of places, no cover.
Airplanes.
Parking lots.
Weddings.
Mass.
While I was at the mic for my brother’s wedding pre-party here in Minnesota, in front of 150 people. Pretty sure her little four month old legs were kicking out of the sling while doing it. Pretty sure some older folks were a little shocked.
Board meetings.
Playdates.
While serving dinner guests who weren’t parents themselves. Some of whom were male.
I wasn’t aiming to make people uncomfortable, and I usually nursed in the sling so you couldn’t really tell I was nursing. All my shirts were nursing friendly enough though I rarely layered. Top breast would show, true. And sometimes maybe when she was latching on, someone paying very close attention might see my nipple. I was aiming to feed my petite daughter her food when she was hungry. I was aiming to maximize her time eating so as to maximize her growth.
And being fixated on that meant my discomfort and self-tenting in public faded away. Whether or not someone had an opinion about my public nursing didn’t matter. I was doing it for my daughter, not for me. And the more I did it, the more relaxed and comfortable and easy it became. She wasn’t born knowing how to nurse in the sling. It was a learning curve for both of us. But practice made it easy and natural.
Enter my third child.
My family was totally immune to my nursing by now, and it helped that my sister was big on it too with her girls. Even my oldest sister’s sig other {they’re child-free by choice} was nonplussed.
I knew I’d be traveling to two conferences when he was only 2 and 3 months old. I know I’d be nursing him in the sling and that might make some of the attendees uncomfortable. Again, not my aim, but also at this point, not my concern. I planned to relax and enjoy my mini-vacations with the babe and nursing him whenever and wherever was part of that relaxation.
He’s 11 months old and still nurses frequently. He’s more easily distracted now so I might have to take him elsewhere to get him to focus and nurse and slow-down. Yet in a way, this third time around, I am kinda evangelizing to my other nursing mom friends by showing them how I do it without making a fuss, uncovered. Just in case they are feeling interested in it, but nervous to try. I love nursing on demand and wearing my big almost 24 pound baby. He’s a riot in the sling nursing and it’s a whole other dimension to our relationship and a very playful one.
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Moms should feel supported and empowered to feed their babies how they feel is best. Bottle/breast combo, bottle solo, breast solo, breast covered, breast uncovered, n’importe quoi. I posted recently on my Facebook page about having someone ask me to cover and my response {which was to politely decline}.
The feedback was awesome. From sisters who bottle to sisters who cover to sisters who don’t even have babies. If we support each other, it’s easy street, ladies. Of course there was the one man whose comment I deleted because it remarked on the universal desire to see more breasts in public. COME ON THIS ISN’T SEXUAL.
Haley just wrote a great article about two things you need to nurse comfortably in public–so go read her tips!
Some ladies feel there is a modesty issue here. I do not. I agree that some moms might be as overt as possible and nurse basically topless which could make any number of people uncomfortable. But I still strongly believe that she must be coming from a place we (those who don’t nurse uncovered that way) aren’t and we need to be loving and charitable.
Whether it’s overcoming sexual abuse to own her breasts as her way to feed her child, whether it’s to push back at the establishment, whether it’s because she’s really trying to nurse uncovered and keeps having wardrobe malfunctions, does not matter. The fundamental right to feed your baby remains. We aren’t on her journey so leave the park if it’s bothering you that much.